


Death Doesn't Let You Say Good-bye

by Shiphard



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson
Genre: F/M, I kill my bbys, I may have made myself cry, I really just wanted to do this and yeah, I'm so sorry everyone, M/M, Malec, Malec is my baby, Seriously I love my pairings, but seriously please read it, death!fic, i'll go sit in my corner, i'm a terrible human being, it's a death fic so I'd assume I should, my bbys kill me, not gonna say who dies, ok I'm done, or more likely, please please read, should I say trigger warning?, writer sadist, yeah... I'm sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:14:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiphard/pseuds/Shiphard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Please don’t remember me like this. Please don’t see me as a bloody, dying wreck. And please don’t let me leave you a broken disaster. Can I ask only this? Only that you go on living like I’m still with you because if I didn’t know any better then I’d say I am.</p><p>Demons are flooding in. Team Good is stretched thin and none of them are recooperating well. Jace can see Clary's stress Magnus is painfully aware of how little his love is sleeping. Izzy's awake night and day afraid of her mother's worsening condition. No one can rest when they hear what Helen predicts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Doesn't Let You Say Good-bye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VendelynSilverhawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VendelynSilverhawk/gifts).



> Okay so yeah I made myself cry- in my defense I was listening to sad music. But yeah, I'm gonna thank VendelynSilverhawk because she motivated me to write this as a motivator for her! Please please please leave comments, I do love those. And the name I shamelessly stole from Sense8.

**_“Death doesn’t let you say good-bye...”_ **

 

Jace watches as his Parabatai and the High Warlock of Brooklyn trudges through the snow up to the Institute door, both bundled up in warm- and stylish, thanks to Magnus no doubt- coats. He can see the toll the latest set of fights has taken on Alec, just in the way he walks and how tired he looks.

            Magnus stops Alec from opening the door to the grand cathedral, fingers wrapped gingerly around his wrist. He’s saying something but from his vantage point Jace can neither see what words the warlock’s lips are forming nor hear what he’s saying. Sighing, Jace grabs his jacket and turns around, glancing at the state of his room briefly.

            From the open bathroom, Clary emerges with her hair pulled up into a wild high ponytail. There’s bags under her eyes but they’re not incredibly noticeable, but alongside her taut lips and the dull glaze in her eyes she reads nothing but tired. Jace chews his lip and then crosses over, reaching out for her hand. She takes his tiredly and flashes him a forced smile.

            “I’m sick of this. Did say if the wards are almost repaired?” she mutters, pulling her stele from her back pocket and tracing an _iratze_ onto his forearm. He glances at the rune, furrowing his brow slightly. “You can’t hide a gash on your chest from me dummy, no more insulting Izzy while she’s cooking.”

            Grumbling, he says, “I was gonna draw it on last night I just... Alec’s been worrying me and I... nevermind. And no, I haven’t heard anything from Helen and Aline. Come on, Alec’s downstairs.”

            Jace leads her out of the room and they make their way downstairs, where they find Alec and Magnus stripping off their coats. Magnus looks stressed, perhaps unhappy to be at the Institute and maybe troubled by whatever he’d told Alec. Jace just bites back the question on his tongue and clears his throat.

            “Any news from Helen yet?” Alec asks, cutting past formalities because it’s Jace and Jace is his brother so why would he care about hello or the weather outside’s shit, it took so long to get here. Jace shakes his head and sighs, looking at the old beat up old chandelier above Alec’s head.

            “No.”

            “When did you get here?” Alec asks, ruffling his hair to get the last of the snow out of it. Magnus sighs and combs his fingers through Alec’s hair, pulling it back into some form of a respectable style. Alec glances at the warlock, probably trying to look annoyed but only coming off as affectionate.

            “Last night. We’ve heard about the hell Brooklyn’s been facing,” he answers. Clary’s behind him, draping her arm over his shoulder. Alec nods and then Magnus says, “yes well, Catarina says Idris hasn’t really that pleasant either.” Clary nods almost too quickly, making Jace feel a slight pang in his chest.

            “How’s mom doing?” Alec murmurs, quiet enough that barely Magnus even hears him. Jace puts it together and takes a moment to think.

            “As well as she can. She’s still unresponsive... the last attack took a toll on her. Robert’s visited a few times just to see if she’s improved but...”

            “But she’s still in a coma and we’re not sure if she’s going to come out,” Clary finishes, sounding weary of the story because despite everything she and Maryse had grown surprisingly close. Alec nods and Jace sees Magnus squeeze his hand.

            “Come on, we need to talk about what we’re going to do. The last news we heard from Helen was it comes in waves. We have a chart of her predictions,” Jace says, turning and heading for the library where Izzy was, still studying the dickens out of the chart.

  _#_

Magnus sits down next to Alec, who looks far too beat up. He sighs and hands his beau a cup of coffee. Alec takes it wordlessly and continues staring off at the far wall covered in bookshelves. There’s silence, but Magnus sits anyways and leans against Alec’s shoulder.

            “Love, please sleep,” he mutters. Alec shakes his head, not wanting to go over the issue again.

            “If those predictions are right then we’ll be facing a swarm in a few hours. I won’t sleep through it,” he replies and then there’s more silence. The two just sit there, Magnus distressed about Alec and Alec distressed about everything. Finally he turns slightly to kiss Magnus’s head. “Don’t worry, I’m fine,” he says. Magnus doesn’t believe him but he nods anyways.

            “Alexander, we should see your mother after all this...” He doesn’t want to finish the sentence because he doesn’t know if Alec’s accepted his mother’s failing conditions. But the Lightwood nods and his fingers find Magnus’s, interlacing them together.

            “She’s not long for this world. But at least in the end she saw Jace buck up and get hitched...” Magnus smirks and then takes a sip of tea.

            The idea that Robert would outlast Maryse disgruntles Magnus because in truth he never liked the Lightwood sire- save for him producing an annoying beautiful and perfectly imperfect son. But Robert still held onto his position as Inquisitor with wrinkly, white-knuckled hands and Maryse was bedridden and dying.

            “I’m surprised we even saw that,” he teases, making Alec laugh. It’s the first time since the first demon attack that he’s heard Alec laugh and he can’t help but smile widely.

            “Shut up, he loves her,” Alec says, smiling a little. Magnus squeezes his hand and kisses the Shadowhunter’s cheek.

            “I’m going to get more tea. Do you want more coffee?” he asks, reminiscing briefly of a time when Alec wouldn’t bust him for magic-ing beverages up.

            “A little bit... thank you,” he replies, handing Magnus his cup. And as the warlock is walking away he hears, “I love you.”

  _#_

Snow is everywhere, chunks of it melting in the Shadowhunters hair and specks of it flying around with each demon thrown to the ground. They’re all a whirlwind and the only thing that’s a constant is the glittering of Izzy’s whip. Swords turn into blurry gray slashes in the air, Clary’s stele is a whipping red light as she draws runes on herself and in the air. Every few minutes there’s a _fwip_ as a demon dies and is sucked back to its realm.

            Jace is watching Alec because he’s too tired to be in this fight- but of course he insisted, like he always does. _“I’m not staying here while you’re out there dying. Hand me my stele and let’s suit up.”_ But he’s also watching Clary because she’s Clary and he loves her and she may not need to be watched but it’s instinct. Izzy’s too busy fighting like a hurricane and a torpedo’s lovechild. She’s a blur of raven hair and gold whip and her boots stomping into a demon’s barely discernable face.

            Magnus is behind Jace suddenly, energy bursting from his fingertips. His coat’s swirling around him as he spins and then kicks and knocks a demon’s jaw out of place. He can’t remember the last time Magnus had looked so ferocious, so invested in the battle. But he’s sure it’s partly for Alec’s benefit because the eldest Shadowhunter is faltering easily, his body and mind tired from too many back to back battles. Then the warlock is gone, by Alec’s side and lost in the battle.

            Jace glances over at Clary and watches as she traces a new rune into the air, something that explodes forth and knocks six demons on their asses. Jace smiles and brings his Seraph blade down in a wide arc, lobbing off a Dahak demon’s head.

  _#_

Alec’s on the ground struggling to get away from an eidolon demon. Magnus recognizes the demon as one he’s summoned before, interrogated for some company. His fingers crackle blue and he throws a bolt of energy at the demon, blasting it away from Alec. It’s a massive flare, one of the biggest he’s made in a long time. Magnus rushes over, grappling for Alec’s hand, and pulls him up.

            “Are you okay?” he demands. Alec nods frantically because if it’s not frantic then Magnus won’t see it- or just won’t recognize it because he’s too busy fussing. Alec grabs Magnus’s chin and kisses him.

            “I’m fine,” he says and then turns at just the right second to swing his blade around and cut the eidolon demon in half. He wipes the blood off his cheek with the back of his sword hand and then kisses Magnus again. “Don’t worry about me ri-”

            Magnus interrupts him with a too-loud gasp, and everything’s a fuzzy, angry white on the edges. Alec’s screaming, but Magnus isn’t sure what. He’s only sure of what he’s feeling; a sticky, terribly warm something dribbling down his back and stomach. There’s a sickening sound behind him like a blade cutting through bone and then he feels something pull out of him.

            He wants to scream because whatever’s pulling out of him is also pulling at his guts and it burns and aches and is numb and throbs all at once. He’s falling until arms wrap around him and he’s being dragged.

            “Magnus?!” he hears Alec shout. He mumbles something and he feels so childish because he’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn; he _does not_ mumble. “Raziel, Magnus! Magnus! Don’t do anything!” Alec shouts at him, leaning him against a tree and standing. He’s yelling for someone- Clary?

            And then the Nephilim boy- he’s not a boy anymore, why does he keep calling him that?- is back, pressing on the angry, bloody hole in his stomach.

            “My strength, Magnus, take it,” he insists. Magnus shakes his head because he know Alec’s just too weak and he needs more than Alec can give him. Still he reaches out, fumbling for Alec’s hand and tightens his grip on it once he has it.

            “Where’s Tessa?” he breathes. Alec shakes his head.

            “London, helping Ty with the Institute. Don’t talk, a Silent Brother’s coming,” he says and leans forward to cradle Magnus’s head. The warlock shakes his head, feeling blood flow out of his back in a steady stream that’s far more uncomfortable than a dribble. He feels like a leaky boat, with two holes that won’t stop flooding.

            “Watch out love,” he huffs, feeling all his energy sap out of him as he blasts a crack of energy over Alec’s head to kill a Dahak demon. Alec shouts at him, a mangled, screechy sounding rendition of the word “no” but Magus just grins a little. “You’re too precious to lose your life to some demon, dear,” he murmurs. Tears are on Alec’s cheeks which scares him because he’s convinced he’s only ever seen Alec cry once in battle. His whole torso is a mix of burning pain and numbed agony.

            “Shut up Magnus, don’t even say that right now,” he hisses, trying to mask his cracking voice. And then Izzy’s beside the two of them, Clary close behind her.

            “Oh my-”

            “Tell me you can do something Clary!” Alec demands, interrupting Izzy because he doesn’t want to hear shock. Clary stares at the wound and her face is ghost white.

            “I- I... I don’t know... I don’t think so,” she breathes. Izzy stands, grabbing Clary.

            “We’ll go find Enoch,” she says, rushing off.

            Alec turns back to Magnus, tense and teary-eyed. Magnus feels like his heart is ripping each time Alec takes a breath so he tries to reach up. His beautiful Shadowhunter shouldn’t be crying, shouldn’t be wasting his tears on him. And anyways, he’s too perfect for that. Magnus wipes one of the tears away and smiles.

            “I’ve lived long enough, Alexander. I should’ve gone years ago when my father-”

            “Don’t you say it! You should not have gone then, and you won’t go now. You have to finish what you started with me! You can’t just leave me... not like this and not here, like this,” Alec says, a sob cracking his voice. Magnus feels tears stinging his eyes and that uncomfortable choking feeling as sobs climb up his throat. He bites them back because no matter what he feels, he has to make Alec see that he’s live enough of a life and if ever there’s a way to end it, it’s with Alec.

            “I love you, Alexander.” Alec’s forcing back the urge to curl up and weep, Magnus can tell, so he squeezes his hand, but he’s too weak and it’s barely noticeable.

            “No! Stop it! You’re not saying good-bye to me!”

            “I’m afraid that death doesn’t let you say good-bye, my dear. This is _not_ a good-bye, just a declaration of my affections,” he breathes, and it’s hard to hear because now his words are slurring and the blood streaming down his back is distracting him. But above all else the idea that he’s going to be stuck in Edom with his father for the rest of eternity scares him and he can’t think straight. He’s too scared. “Say you love me, Alexander, please. I want to hear you-”

            “I love you,” Alec sobs. “I love you so much more than I ever imagined anyone could love another person. I love you like some crazy damned drug addict loves heroin. So please, _please_ don’t leave me like this, Magnus.”

            “I don’t want to...” he breathes and the tear in his abdomen scorches. “I don’t but sometimes we don’t have a choice.”

            “Oh god.” Alec’s choking on his tears so Magnus runs his thumb back and forth over the back of his hand. “Please Magnus, please. I love you too much. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

            In the distance he can see Izzy hacking her way through a crowd of demons, Enoch behind her, fighting. They’re blurry, everything’s blurry and he’s beyond grateful that he could at least hear Alec say he loves him.

            “Alec, I’m sca...” he fades out because he can’t even manage to form words anymore. Alec’s shaking his head violently, saying something but he can’t hear it because his body is shutting down and he’s putting so much energy into stroking Alec’s hand. And then Alec’s shouting and the words are muddled but he’s sure it’s something about not leaving him like this, or maybe that he’s scared too... or maybe he’s just shouting Magnus’s name.

            Death does not, in fact, let you say good-bye, no matter how well you leave the world. Death is coin-toss away from you, a happy, welcoming coin-toss, or an angry, violent one. Either way, as Magnus fades out he’s not which side he called and which one he gets. And even though Alec’s sobbing over him, hugging him tightly, he can only see the stupidly attractive, awkward seventeen year old who showed up at his doorstep with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He can only see the gorgeously aged man before him, grinning as they skirted the edges of Lake Lyn.

            _Please don’t remember me like this. Please don’t see me as a bloody, dying wreck. And please don’t let me leave you a broken disaster. Can I ask only this? Only that you go on living like I’m still with you because if I didn’t know any better then I’d say I am._


End file.
